Give the Gift of Sand

If the holiday season is, as the song says, the most wonderful time of the year, it can also be one of the most treacherous. Why? Because as we get together with our families, politics in these contentious times is likely to come up in discussion. Rare is the family (or group of friends) where everyone agrees on current events. So, how do you avoid turning political discussions into deeply entrenched battles that leave everyone bloodied, angry, and defiant?

Ryan stopped this train wreck of a conversation in the making by saying, “Let me ask you a question. Did you ever try to hold sand in a closed fist?” Momentarily confused by the unexpected question, his cousin stopped arguing and replied, “Yes.”

“Then, you know,” explained Ryan, “The tighter you squeeze, the more you lose. It is the same with this conversation . The more we exert emotional pressure on each other to try and get us to think or act in a certain way, it is the same as trying to hold sand in a closed fist. The tighter we squeeze, the more we both lose.”

Suddenly, his cousin stopped shouting.

Ryan reports, “That analogy helped my cousin understand that if we really wanted to persuade each other to a different point of view, we would do better by being less judgmental, more open, and softer with each other. And, then we continued to present our arguments in a more civil manner.”

“I would like to say that I succeeded in changing his political views, but I didn’t. The best I got was that we ultimately had to agree to disagree, but that analogy did something more important: it helped restore peace and good will to our relationship.”

Wishing you, your friends, and your family a fun, peaceful Holiday Season.
 

Anne Miller
Make What You Say Pay! — with Metaphors

Photo by Mia Golic on Unsplash

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