When you are angry, do you want people to tell you immediately to calm down? When you are sad, do you want them to advise you right away to cheer up? When you are upset, do you want them to tell you to just forget about it? No, No, and No. It is more likely that before you are interested in any advice or taking any action, you want some acknowledgement, commiseration and understanding for your situation. In short, you want some Empathy. Yet, the empathy we as humans all want in personal situations often gets forgotten by sellers–and with very negative consequences. What does that absence of empathy look like?
Running on the Wrong Track
Lack of empathy comes from overzealous salespeople.
- A client shares a problem and the seller says, “Great! Here’s how we can help you.” Great for the seller as he contemplates a future commission, but not so great for the person who really needs to hear, “That is challenging. Can you tell me more about that…?”
- A client shares some wonderful news with you, e.g., the company just won a new piece of business and the seller says, “Great! Here’s how we can help you get even more business!” Great for that commission-counter sales rep, but not so great for the person who would appreciate a little more spotlight on her, as in, “How excited you all must be! How did you all do it?”
You can see how the client would interpret the seller’s reaction as being someone who is only interested in making a sale.
A Skill, Not a Trait
Think you are not a naturally empathetic person? Then, you will like the research that Jamil Zaki, Stanford Professor and a leader in empathy science, has done that 
shows that our ability to care is not a fixed trait, but a skill we can grow through practice. That means
- Slow down your desire to rush a sale
- Listen, really listen, to the other person
- Acknowledge his feeling, problem, or situation
- Ask questions
Need another reason to practice empathy? Zaki’s research shows that people who practice empathy also tend to have happier lives.
Anne Miller
Words Matter – Make What You Say Pay!
Photo by Luca Ambrosi on Unsplash
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